The Pre divorce period is a slow death, the signs are simple enough, whether you chose to pay attention to them or not is up to you.
This blog is a guide for survival, if you think things are going to change at home you are wrong.
Here are the signs you need to pay attention too, if more than one applies to you then you are headed for divorce - pull the trigger don't stretch it out, remember the divorce clock? Do not pass the ten year mark what ever you do!
Here you go, the signs:
1. Are you sleeping on the couch? No, not the occasional falling asleep in front of the TV, I mean are you sleeping on the couch? The Floor? If the Answer yes, Please skip ahead to the sex question.
2. Do you work long hours? what I am getting at here , do you use work as an excuse not to spend time with your spouse? Great example, I left for work before my X got up in the morning , and returned home when she was just going to bed, yes I was sleeping on the couch at the time. My job? Commercial diver - if this is you look for an attorney -
3. When your spouse calls, do you dread the phone call? Do you flat out ignore it? Are you scared of it? When you answer does the conversation end with a 'click' ? Yep, I know I have been there, I still look at the phone and wonder if I should pick up when the X calls -
4. Have your friends become distant? Haven't seen them in a while? How about your extended family, been awhile? Think about it, when was the last time you spent quality time with your buddies or your buddies families? Been awhile? Example, I had not seen some of closest buddies for years . . . . . sucked . .when you are in a toxic relationship somethings go unnoticed.
5.When you do converse with the future X, is the conversation sprinkled with F-Bombs? Mouth like a sailor sound familiar? Watch out you headed down the divorce path.
6.This relates to point #4 Do you forget everything your future X tells you? Do you forget the conversation you had minutes before? then only to be reminded of the convo hours later and have zero recollection of it?
Your doomed if you answer yes.
7.Your stuff, your car ever been rifled through by the X? Example, headed out lobster diving with my buddy Joey, I forgot my mask had to head back to the house, only to find my future X tearing through my glove box! I guess that's where my spare key ended up! Ouch, sucked on one hand, but it solidified that we were doomed.
8. Does your spouse twist your words? Hearing only what they want to hear? Asking questions until they get the answers they want? Yes?
9. You have been cut off - Zero sex - No sex equals no marriage, unless there are medical reasons. Sleeping on the couch is a pretty safe bet there is no action in the bedroom. Answer yes? Get an attorney, why wait -
10. Affair - You or your spouse are in one. Once the seal is broken there is no marriage. Divorce! Forgive and forget does not exist, you will wind up in divorce court!
Those are just a few signs, some more subtle than others -
Any of those answered yes? Get divorced today, file get it done , don't wait!
Bad news does not get better with age -
Cheers
Dave
Hoag Hospital
Figured it fit for divorce
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Court Vs. Mediation
Go to Court or Mediation which is better?
Ovoid the Courtroom at all costs, I wish somebody had told me -
Family court is one of the most depressing places on the planet. I'm sure J.K. Rowling used family court as a model for her Dementors in Harry Potter. All happy thoughts are purged from your system.
Is it really that bad?
Yes
The pain starts on the outside in the never ending line, imagine Baton Death march. Once you are up to the front, cell phone has a camera? Take it back to your car, jump back to the end of line .. . . . . you cannot bring a camera in family court. Once you are back up front, you have a belt on? Why ? because no one told you about the ultra sensitive metal detectors? A belt is a waste of time, my lawyer tipped me off, back to a good lawyer is worth it.
Excellent, now you are putting your close back on next to the bank of elevators, notice the expressions on the faces around you , it is starting . . . .the happiness is being sucked out of them . . . . . you realize this place is different . . . . different in a bad way . . . . . . .
Pack into the elevator, no need to be polite and "wait your turn" remember the line outside? Yep . . . they are all headed for the elevator . . .
Press your floor, the floor determines what kind of court room you go too, they all suck .. . . some suck more than others . . .
This is where it can start getting a bit weird . . . creepy . . My first elevator ride I was packed sardine style, with one lady in the back crying to her lawyer about being a good mommy . . . How she took the time to cook her kids dinner instead of going out with her friends . . . .she was in tears . . . missed her kids . . .from what I could get out of the two minute elevator ride, her kids were removed due to her drug use and leaving them to fend for themselves , five year old girl, seven year old boy . . she was bawling . . . .transparent best describes her act. In the two minute elevator ride I concluded this woman should never be alone with her kids . . .that is messed up!
Ping your floor - spill out of the elevator . . .
Floor is filled with bewildered people not talking with a kind of empty how did I get here stare.
Sprinkled in with the herd of people are some gnarly looking bailiffs, same look as a soldier gets when they have seen and done too much.
Where is your attorney? He is there, smiling which is bizarre against the back drop of the hallways . .
Then you notice a class distinction all the attorneys are smiling, their clock is ticking, this is where they make BIG bucks .. .. they are worth it . . . but the clock is ticking . .to the tune of $350 per hour +
One thing to mention here, court does not necessarily start on time, it starts when you are ready to go in, plan on an all day affair. ( remember that ticking clock? )
Inside the courtroom, say nothing unless directed to do so by your attorney, you will not want to anyways.
Court has a way of neutering people.
Boom - it's over -
Extension?
What just happened goes through your head -
Your counsel will explain it all to you on the way down in the elevator.
Attorneys are great at extending even the most mundane cases, it is in their best interest of billable hours. They are never ready on the first go around. In my case , which is not unique, the opposition had several cases going on at once and was bouncing back and forth . . . this extended the day . . . . he was also not properly prepared. . . pissed off the judge not good.
Just like the Terminator you will be back!
How does this relate to mediation?
I want to paint a real clear picture that if you can get your future X spouse into mediation, I'm talking mediation in a lawyers office away from the courtroom you will save mental scaring and money!
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger . . In the case of family court I'm not too sure . . I liken the experience to being hit with a grenade, when you wake up, you still have shrapnel left in your body that the docs could not remove.
Mediation can be done in your lawyers office, I'm not talking the mandatory mediation in the family court building. We will cover that type of mediation in another blog post. I'm talking the kind in a nice squishy chair, over a nice hardwood table , where someone can bring you coffee. You might get lucky and have a view!
I had to go the route of the court room.
I can only dream of how easy it would have been in mediation.
My vote goes to mediation. Let your attorney do what he does best . . . cut deals . .
If mediation does not work you always have court to fall back on.
Time to go fish and cheer myself up-
Cheers
Dave
Ovoid the Courtroom at all costs, I wish somebody had told me -
Family court is one of the most depressing places on the planet. I'm sure J.K. Rowling used family court as a model for her Dementors in Harry Potter. All happy thoughts are purged from your system.
Is it really that bad?
Yes
The pain starts on the outside in the never ending line, imagine Baton Death march. Once you are up to the front, cell phone has a camera? Take it back to your car, jump back to the end of line .. . . . . you cannot bring a camera in family court. Once you are back up front, you have a belt on? Why ? because no one told you about the ultra sensitive metal detectors? A belt is a waste of time, my lawyer tipped me off, back to a good lawyer is worth it.
Excellent, now you are putting your close back on next to the bank of elevators, notice the expressions on the faces around you , it is starting . . . .the happiness is being sucked out of them . . . . . you realize this place is different . . . . different in a bad way . . . . . . .
Pack into the elevator, no need to be polite and "wait your turn" remember the line outside? Yep . . . they are all headed for the elevator . . .
Press your floor, the floor determines what kind of court room you go too, they all suck .. . . some suck more than others . . .
This is where it can start getting a bit weird . . . creepy . . My first elevator ride I was packed sardine style, with one lady in the back crying to her lawyer about being a good mommy . . . How she took the time to cook her kids dinner instead of going out with her friends . . . .she was in tears . . . missed her kids . . .from what I could get out of the two minute elevator ride, her kids were removed due to her drug use and leaving them to fend for themselves , five year old girl, seven year old boy . . she was bawling . . . .transparent best describes her act. In the two minute elevator ride I concluded this woman should never be alone with her kids . . .that is messed up!
Ping your floor - spill out of the elevator . . .
Floor is filled with bewildered people not talking with a kind of empty how did I get here stare.
Sprinkled in with the herd of people are some gnarly looking bailiffs, same look as a soldier gets when they have seen and done too much.
Where is your attorney? He is there, smiling which is bizarre against the back drop of the hallways . .
Then you notice a class distinction all the attorneys are smiling, their clock is ticking, this is where they make BIG bucks .. .. they are worth it . . . but the clock is ticking . .to the tune of $350 per hour +
One thing to mention here, court does not necessarily start on time, it starts when you are ready to go in, plan on an all day affair. ( remember that ticking clock? )
Inside the courtroom, say nothing unless directed to do so by your attorney, you will not want to anyways.
Court has a way of neutering people.
Boom - it's over -
Extension?
What just happened goes through your head -
Your counsel will explain it all to you on the way down in the elevator.
Attorneys are great at extending even the most mundane cases, it is in their best interest of billable hours. They are never ready on the first go around. In my case , which is not unique, the opposition had several cases going on at once and was bouncing back and forth . . . this extended the day . . . . he was also not properly prepared. . . pissed off the judge not good.
Just like the Terminator you will be back!
How does this relate to mediation?
I want to paint a real clear picture that if you can get your future X spouse into mediation, I'm talking mediation in a lawyers office away from the courtroom you will save mental scaring and money!
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger . . In the case of family court I'm not too sure . . I liken the experience to being hit with a grenade, when you wake up, you still have shrapnel left in your body that the docs could not remove.
Mediation can be done in your lawyers office, I'm not talking the mandatory mediation in the family court building. We will cover that type of mediation in another blog post. I'm talking the kind in a nice squishy chair, over a nice hardwood table , where someone can bring you coffee. You might get lucky and have a view!
I had to go the route of the court room.
I can only dream of how easy it would have been in mediation.
My vote goes to mediation. Let your attorney do what he does best . . . cut deals . .
If mediation does not work you always have court to fall back on.
Time to go fish and cheer myself up-
Cheers
Dave
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Your Not Alone -
Your not alone -
What does this mean? Simple , the courts have heard it all , you are not special no mater what you mother told you.
All the wacky stuff your X does, to you against you , has all been done before.
How do I know this? What makes me an expert ? Let me share a little story -
Evening drop off - Nice night - I'm dropping off my son at the X's house. Car in PARK perpendicular to driveway -
Son gets out no issues -
The X storms up to window and starts the yelling - " where is my money you mother f@#cker" "You slimy piece of sh^t"
It wasn't due yet -
X presses herself into the window still yelling " same as above"
I make a fatal mistake " you need a boy friend"
She Freaked
Pushes herself off the window " you ran over my toe"
Second fatal mistake I start laughing, seeing as it was impossible to hit her toe, since the car was in park and turned off.
The X heads back up the driveway " you're f#cked I'm calling the cops your going to jail"
Third fatal mistake I laugh harder and louder-
Flash forward one day-
Call from the DA about the pending emergency court date about the domestic violence -
Yes the toe
Next day - Court Room sitting outside with my attorney head spinning in disbelief -
The X wants to take away all parental rights , with zero visitation - due to my violent nature ??
Over a toe????
This is where your attorney is worth every penny - he wrote a brilliant defense -
She shows up with her attorney - . . . . .in high heels!!
Yes I said high heels, remember this thing is all about a toe that had been run over by a car!!
Uh duh
Needless to say I prevailed that day in court, the two following court dates and the motion made by the X's attorney - Also beat the DA case - all accused domestic violence cases go into the DAs office -
They have to investigate -
I beat that too-
The reason to share that story?
Talking to my attorney after this episode was all over , I jokingly said "bet you don't see a run over toe too often"
He says " no only about two to three per month"
My mouth dropped
SH^T
That's when it hit me - I'm not alone!
Your not alone - the people in the courts have seen it all -
Keep your head down - don't let the emotions rule
You will get what you want - stick to it -
Your not alone!
Cheers
Dave
What does this mean? Simple , the courts have heard it all , you are not special no mater what you mother told you.
All the wacky stuff your X does, to you against you , has all been done before.
How do I know this? What makes me an expert ? Let me share a little story -
Evening drop off - Nice night - I'm dropping off my son at the X's house. Car in PARK perpendicular to driveway -
Son gets out no issues -
The X storms up to window and starts the yelling - " where is my money you mother f@#cker" "You slimy piece of sh^t"
It wasn't due yet -
X presses herself into the window still yelling " same as above"
I make a fatal mistake " you need a boy friend"
She Freaked
Pushes herself off the window " you ran over my toe"
Second fatal mistake I start laughing, seeing as it was impossible to hit her toe, since the car was in park and turned off.
The X heads back up the driveway " you're f#cked I'm calling the cops your going to jail"
Third fatal mistake I laugh harder and louder-
Flash forward one day-
Call from the DA about the pending emergency court date about the domestic violence -
Yes the toe
Next day - Court Room sitting outside with my attorney head spinning in disbelief -
The X wants to take away all parental rights , with zero visitation - due to my violent nature ??
Over a toe????
This is where your attorney is worth every penny - he wrote a brilliant defense -
She shows up with her attorney - . . . . .in high heels!!
Yes I said high heels, remember this thing is all about a toe that had been run over by a car!!
Uh duh
Needless to say I prevailed that day in court, the two following court dates and the motion made by the X's attorney - Also beat the DA case - all accused domestic violence cases go into the DAs office -
They have to investigate -
I beat that too-
The reason to share that story?
Talking to my attorney after this episode was all over , I jokingly said "bet you don't see a run over toe too often"
He says " no only about two to three per month"
My mouth dropped
SH^T
That's when it hit me - I'm not alone!
Your not alone - the people in the courts have seen it all -
Keep your head down - don't let the emotions rule
You will get what you want - stick to it -
Your not alone!
Cheers
Dave
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Divorce - Love Lost - Lust Relived - Do Not Sleep with the X
Divorce Sucks!
Emotions run high -
One thing to keep in mind as a man - do not sleep with your future X during the divorce process -
Why ? Your thinking . . . she's easy . . I'm all frisky . . . . that's how you started this whole mess before you were married!
The main reason for not sleeping with your future X is it resets the separation clock.
what?
what is this?
Why is this important?
Because you have to pay the X for half the time you were married (if there were no kids involved.) Typically they set the date as the last time you had marital relations-
Guess what?
You sleep with her in moment of weakness, emotional upheaval, you're screwed!
Literally - all the time you were separated just got thrown out the window!
Let's say your in California , you have not had sex with your wife for two years . . you're ten years into marriage, sitting in your lawyers office, telling him the sob story about being dry for two years in the marriage , guess what? a talented lawyer will try to get you credit for time away from the sack.
Why is this important?
At the ten year mark you pay the X spousal support for ever ,let me repeat for ever, or until she remarries whichever comes first. Pray for the remarry.
So don't do it, you will be back in the saddle soon enough , no reason to muddy the waters. You will hate yourself in the morning, if not the morning, you will in court.
It happens often enough, you will learn to recognize the guys who do, the hallways of family court are littered with them -
Consider yourself lucky you are reading this -
You don't want to be that guy!
Once you make the decision to divorce , divorce - Can't say it any simpler -
Maybe counseling will put a band-aid on the arterial bleeding you call a marriage. It can work , you wind up knocking it out with the wife - Smack! - Reset the clock!! Sure it is fun, familiar etc . . . but not worth it.
Wow, it is late
More to follow
Cheers
Dave
Emotions run high -
One thing to keep in mind as a man - do not sleep with your future X during the divorce process -
Why ? Your thinking . . . she's easy . . I'm all frisky . . . . that's how you started this whole mess before you were married!
The main reason for not sleeping with your future X is it resets the separation clock.
what?
what is this?
Why is this important?
Because you have to pay the X for half the time you were married (if there were no kids involved.) Typically they set the date as the last time you had marital relations-
Guess what?
You sleep with her in moment of weakness, emotional upheaval, you're screwed!
Literally - all the time you were separated just got thrown out the window!
Let's say your in California , you have not had sex with your wife for two years . . you're ten years into marriage, sitting in your lawyers office, telling him the sob story about being dry for two years in the marriage , guess what? a talented lawyer will try to get you credit for time away from the sack.
Why is this important?
At the ten year mark you pay the X spousal support for ever ,let me repeat for ever, or until she remarries whichever comes first. Pray for the remarry.
So don't do it, you will be back in the saddle soon enough , no reason to muddy the waters. You will hate yourself in the morning, if not the morning, you will in court.
It happens often enough, you will learn to recognize the guys who do, the hallways of family court are littered with them -
Consider yourself lucky you are reading this -
You don't want to be that guy!
Once you make the decision to divorce , divorce - Can't say it any simpler -
Maybe counseling will put a band-aid on the arterial bleeding you call a marriage. It can work , you wind up knocking it out with the wife - Smack! - Reset the clock!! Sure it is fun, familiar etc . . . but not worth it.
Wow, it is late
More to follow
Cheers
Dave
Welcome
First post -
Divorce sucks -
Not better way to say it, divorce sucks.
Survival skills will be discussed in this blog
My experience is limited to the California court system -
Spent three years of my life in and out of the court room. Lost all assets , new job, reinvented myself etc. . . . Beat two domestic violence allegations ( more about them later ) Been visited by child protective services - Threatened , verbally abused , forensic accounting, I've been through it all.
Now on the back side of the divorce, all signed off :)
The sun does come up !!
Life can be good!!
Funny expression but true You know why divorce is expensive? because it is worth it!!!
Cheers
Dave
Divorce sucks -
Not better way to say it, divorce sucks.
Survival skills will be discussed in this blog
My experience is limited to the California court system -
Spent three years of my life in and out of the court room. Lost all assets , new job, reinvented myself etc. . . . Beat two domestic violence allegations ( more about them later ) Been visited by child protective services - Threatened , verbally abused , forensic accounting, I've been through it all.
Now on the back side of the divorce, all signed off :)
The sun does come up !!
Life can be good!!
Funny expression but true You know why divorce is expensive? because it is worth it!!!
Cheers
Dave
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